The week of Semana Santa (“Holy Week”) is considered the most important cultural and religious event in all of Guatemala. Semana Santa has a long, rich history, which began over 400 years ago as Catholicism spread throughout Guatemala due to the Spanish Conquistadors. Today, Semana Santa can be viewed throughout all of Guatemala, however, there is no city more important during this sacred week than Antigua. It can be argued that Antigua has perhaps the largest, most traditional and famous Holy Weeks in the world. Thousands of tourists flock to Antigua during Semana Santa to witness the spectacular religious processions, alfombras (“carpets”), fabulous floats and vigils. It is said to be an experience of a lifetime.
Unfortunately my trip was timed a month too early. The height of Semana Santa happens the week before Easter. However, little did I know that smaller scale celebrations start on Ash Wednesday at the beginning of Lent. Thus during my short stay in Antigua I was able to capture a glance at the magic and sensational beauty of Semana Santa.
Above is a glimpse of a spectacular Alfombra. Alfombras are made of sawdust or sand dyed in brilliant colors and carefully constructed as a work of art.
For anyone who knows me or has gotten to know me by reading my blog, it is obvious that I am one who doesn’t like to sit around. I have boundless energy at points that tends to get a little out of whack if I am not moving. I am not good at sitting still. This can be both good and bad. The good is that I’m not a couch potato; instead I am an extremely active and energetic person who can get things done at breakneck speed. The bad is that I really don’t know how to relax and tend to wear myself out to the bones.
Someday, when I’m not so busy raising a family and doing a million things in a day, I will work on gaining more balance in my life. I will take up yoga, learn to sit still and sleep better without jumping out of my bed each morning. But until then, I must deal with the cards I’ve been dealt with and face the facts: I’m kind of hyper.
Given my spirited temperament, you can only imagine how difficult it was for me to be in a new country sitting in a one on one spanish class for five straight hours. I absolutely love to learn but five intense hours holed up in a small room, seated at a desk is not my cup of tea. Thus, when my dedicated and loyal teacher Lili told me about her approach to learning on the road, I was thrilled. This is how it worked.
Leaving Casa Xelaju and taking our class on a road trip…
Sorry kids…I can’t do it all!!!!! (Max age 7 and Sophia age 5 dressed in their Halloween costumes. October 2011).
As a product of the seventies, I grew up watching such hit shows as Leave it to Beaver,Little House on the Prairie and other classics that portrayed women and families as an all-encompassing, idyllic unit; as one big happy family. My TV role models were simple housewives wearing their aprons and huge, happy smiles across their pretty faces while they effortlessly did it all. Ran the house, cleaned it spotless, cooked fresh homemade meals, took care of the kids, helped them with their homework and had freshly-baked cookies awaiting for them after school (not to mention opened the door at five and planted a warm happy kiss on their husbands dear face).
As time passed and I grew older, of course I realized that this reality was not true. There were plenty of families who did not follow these rules or were “traditional”. Divorce rates soared as did secret affairs and the whole meaning of the word family seemed to change significantly across the nation. No longer were married, one-working parent families the norm. Instead, double incomes, single-parents and out of wedlock families became more prevalent.
Some critics have argued that the entire meaning of a family has changed and this change has negatively effected our society as a whole. Whether or not this is entirely true, it is for you to decide. However, what has also been happening is the other extreme of the spectrum: The growth of the supermom mentality.
“What on earth is she talking about here”? you may wonder, perplexed. I’m talking about the moms who are over the top in their pursuit of being the best mom out there. Those moms who feel that they have to do it all and do it without complaints. The moms who are overly successful in their careers or as a housewife, while cleaning their house, caring for their kids, keeping in shape and looking good for her husband. The perfect wife. But is that really possible?
I decided before my first child was born that I would be a stay-at-home mom. Before having children, I was all about my career. I worked extremely hard in college and killed myself to get those A’s. I wasn’t a necessarily gifted student. I just worked harder at getting perfect grades. Sometimes I worked so hard that I got sick. I stressed myself out silly just over trying to do well and feel proud. I graduated with a 3.7 out of 4.0 which made me feel pleased. But once I got a real job, I realized why on earth did I kill myself over those grades? It didn’t even matter. Yes, it helped to have a nice GPA on my resume but aside from that, no one really cared about the A’s except me.
Fast forward to my working years in the business world, I never truly seemed to find a job that I enjoyed. I tried and tried and worked hard. But every job I ever did left me feeling empty inside and unsatisfied. I was able to pay for myself at 23 years old which felt like quite an accomplishment. Yet, I realized what a disappointment the real world really was. I was accustomed to always hearing “the world is your oyster” from my motivating parents. Yet, was it? I felt trapped in one unhappy job after the other. It was almost a blessing in disguise when I got laid off from my job at 32, went on a trip to Australia, got home and decided….”hmmm….isn’t it about time to start thinking about having kids”?
I’ll never forget the comments I received from my working friends about my decision to stay at home. Perhaps the most offensive one was “I won’t think bad of you if you don’t work”. That was from my ex-bestfriend. I knew I’d face a lot of criticism as well as encouragement by others. For some strange reason, deciding to stay at home and raise a family is sometimes looked down upon by other professionals. But it was my choice. A choice that I will never ever regret as long as I live. The best choice I could have made in my life was to stay at home with my children and I feel lucky to have been able to have this choice. I realize many mothers can’t stay at home with their children, even if they wanted to.
The first three years as a stay-at-home mom were brutal. I had severe postpartum depression with my first child and then had a new baby girl four days after my son turned two. Exhaustion haunted me. I gave 100 percent of me to my children and there was nothing left. Nothing for me or my husband. I believe that caring for young children is perhaps the hardest job ever. We are without a village as they like to say. In the past, families weren’t so isolated and you had a ton of other family members around to help you out and get through it. Nowadays, life is different and families are spread out, like mine, leaving a new mom completely on her own to care for a demanding newborn baby.
I look back at these days in disbelief and astonishment wondering how on earth I managed to survive when even taking a simple shower was a struggle and a reward. But being there for my children to see their first smiles, watch their first steps and marvel at them in wonder as they grew, has been a true gift. Perhaps the greatest gift I’ve ever received.
Now that the kids are in school my life is beginning to change. My son is away all day at first grade while my daughter is away four mornings a week at preschool. Windows of time are opening up. My mind is coming out of the mommy fog and my life is coming back to me. I’m getting to know myself and my husband once again. I am once again doing the things I love. It feels good but also a little intimidating.
You see, there is this huge pressure in life to be a supermom. That over-achiever, that always the best mom. I try so hard to not follow that path. To not be the mom always volunteering in class, making the best, healthiest meals, looking perfectly put together and being at every single event in my children’s lives. But it is hard. Very hard. Perhaps I put too much pressure on myself. I want to achieve and be loved by my family and admired by my peers. But sometimes (like now that I’ve worn myself out so much I’m stuck at home with a terrible cold and have to go out of town tomorrow) I need to step back and realize that I’ll never be a supermom. I can try my best to be a wonderful mother, wife and citizen, but I’ll never be perfect. I’ll always be just me and I’m only one person.
So perhaps it is time to stop chasing rainbows and learn to relax more. Enjoy my downtime. Take advantage of being sick. Let others do the work for once instead of feeling like I’ve got to do everything. The world won’t disappear. It will all be waiting for me when I return, refreshed, healthy and ready to seize the day!
Stay tuned….instead of organizing my thoughts on my upcoming New Zealand posts or going on a run or cleaning the house or packing for DC or making dinner….I’m going to take a nap and try to beat this cold!
China is a place awash in complexities and paradoxes. It is a place that is growing, developing and modernizing at lightening speed yet at the same time is being held down by its ugly past. It is full of splendid culture and traditions dating back thousands of years. Yet, it also has some disturbing truths that may someday bring the current Communist Party and its “emperor” down.
As the country continues to race towards become the next global leader and world power, the housing bubble is finally showing unwanted signs of crashing, the Communist Party is hammering down and trying to stop the rapid growth of micro-blogging, human rights activist, journalist and anyone speaking out against the government is imprisoned and severely punished, the environment is rapidly deteriorating, pollution is pitiful, and ghost towns lay dormant. All the same, China is still technically booming and its people are better off today than they were twenty years ago. China has witnessed one of mankind’s most incredible rise of its people out of poverty.
Yet, where are they headed? What would happen if the economy begins to stagger or fall? Will people speak up and protest? Will there be a Chinese Spring? What will happen to the 900 million peasants who have seen their life improve but still have a long way to go? What will happen to the rest of the world if China is hurting?
The implications are mind-boggling and of course would have worldwide effects. It is no coincidence that articles on current events in China are found daily in papers, online and on TV. China is huge, important and will impact us all.
Perhaps these questions are why despite not “loving” traveling to China, I have found it one of the most fascinating places I’ve ever been. China is at the center stage of the world right now and to be there, witnessing it all, is an amazing travel experience.
To wrap up my Beijing posts, I felt a photo blog on “Daily Life in Beijing” would help illustrate the complexities and paradoxes of this fascinating place. I am also including a list of intuitive articles on China today, for those who want to learn more. (See the bottom of the post for links).
Here is a walk through Daily Life in Beijing. Hope you enjoy.
Old versus New: A remaining part of the ancient city wall in the heart of Beijing.
All that remains is a dilapidated old wall. Whereas right down the street is Wangfujing Dajie (below), a Vegas meets New York City-styled pedestrian walking street and shopping Mecca.
And the new….
The Lion is the symbol of China and can be see throughout the country protecting its inhabitants for thousands of years.
The red lantern, another prominent symbol in China.
For some reason, I truly love this picture.
The Hutongs represent the old part of Beijing. Hundreds exist yet many have been torn down in the thrust towards modernization.
In a high-density city of over 20 million inhabitants, there are still many places like this one to find peace and solitude and enjoy nature.
Signs of westernization and commercialism are prevalent but not overbearing like in most cities in Europe…note the Starbucks above.
Yet traditional architecture can be found throughout the city bringing the visitor back to the days of the dynasties and reminding us of China’s long history and path.
Truly spectacular hand-painted art embraces the heart and soul of Beijing.
As you explore Beijing’s streets, you are struck by the contrasts between old and new. Modern and traditional. I found the local farmer’s markets to be one of those great contrasts and delights.
I have never seen such an enormous pile of lettuce in my life! And it looked so fresh…
Buyers and supplies loaded their produce onto the back of their bicycles, just like the old days.
Tai Chi could be seen practiced daily along the streets of Beijing usually in the mornings.
Or you could find parks filled with retired Chinese playing Chess, Checkers and cards.
Ping-pong is also popular in Beijing’s many parks.
Some of Beijing’s oldest Hutongs have been transformed into modern-day party central, filled with outdoor bars, terraces and craziness. It was where all the young, somewhat rebellious Beijing youth hung out at night.
Beijing is still a large bicycling community. There are even pathways like these along the streets for bikes, motorbikes, motorcycles and electric bikes. It is one of the main ways the Beijing people get around the city: On two wheels. The electricity and bike park outside the Hutongs.
Laundry can often still be seen drying outside the home or apartment balcony. I was impressed with the creative methods for drying laundry in big cities! The pollution, congestion and traffic where alarming and frightening. This is the typical day in Beijing. Gray, smoggy and dark. This parked car shows how dirty the air is! I had to take a picture of it. Not sure if it ever got or will get washed. Most Chinese live in apartments. In a country of 1.3 billion people, space is key. Most of the apartment complexes I saw in Beijing were quite dreary like this one below. It reminded me of a Soviet-era complex. As you get out of the central part of town on the Ring Road, you pass a million of these kinds of apartment complexes where there are several generic-looking gray buildings clumped together as a some sort of compound. These kinds of developments are going up for miles and miles outside of the city. I have never seen so many apartment complexes being built anywhere. It simply blew me away and made me realize the gravity and magnitude of the Chinese ballooning population.
As our time dwindled in Beijing, I left feeling perplexed and uncertain about my feelings of this city. The history was amazing yet the complexities bothered me. I wonder what will become of Beijing and of China? How will it transform and grow into the next century? Will it hold on to its long traditions or will it become more westernized? Will democracy come or will the people remain powerless and voiceless in their own country. It certainly will be interesting to see.
For further reading on China, please see the following articles:
Financial Times, “A lofty ceiling reached” 12/14/11 by Jamil Anderlini
Financial TImes, “Beijing in a hole over new homes” 11/15/11 by Simon Rabinovitch
ZeroHedge.com: “Guest Pot: Some Things You Should Know About China” by Tyler Durden
Also the tremendous book, “China Wakes: The Struggle for the Soul of a Rising Power“ by Nicolas Kristoff and Sheryl WuDunn is an excellent read. It is a little outdated by I think these two brilliant New York Times Writers are right on target with what is happening in China. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about China.
Ok….drum roll please. Da da da da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (pause). Today is a milestone day (breathe). A day which I have dreaded, fretted about, worried about, cried about for over 365 days. Today I am 40 years old (gulp). Yep, thirdeyemom was born on December 6th, 1971 and today marks my fortieth year.
An oldie but goodie. Me on my sixth birthday receiving my first pair of clogs. December 6, 1977.
There are lots of milestones throughout your life. Learning to walk. Learning to talk. Learning how to swim and ride a bike. Having your first sleep-over. Learning to drive. Going on your first date. Having your first kiss. Graduating high school. Leaving home. Starting your first job. Meeting your husband. Getting married. Having kids. And, of course turning 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 and so on.
No matter what your age is, I am sure you feel the same way at each milestone birthday: Excited, scared, nervous and in disbelief at just how fast life seems to be going. Turning 40 is a big one. It means you are officially “middle-aged“, you have technically lived over half of your life already (unless you are like my grandpa who just turned 96!), you can remember when your own parents turned 40, and you may even discover your first gray hair (the wrinkles have already long set in).
But….no worries! What I’ve had to come to terms with over the last 365 days is that of course there is no turning back time. You’re 40. So why not decide to be “forty and fabulous”? Of course there is no real fountain of youth yet there are ways to keep feeling young.
Here is my top ten list of ways to turn 40 yet feel like you’re 30. For age is all a state of mind, isn’t it? Life is a journey. Each day is a gift. It’s called the presence!
So, without further delay here is my top ten list of How to Occupy 40:
1. Exercise daily. Run, walk, swim, bike or practice yoga. Just do it. It will keep you feeling younger, healthier, happier and thinner.
2. Get plenty of sleep and eat good. This is huge. No McDonalds, potato chips, etc. Instead eat lots of whole grains, fruits and veggies. The occasional junk food pig-out is fine. Just don’t do it all the time; you’ll pay for it more!
3. Smile, relax and laugh often. Enjoy life! It’s the only one you’ve got!
4. If you see a gray hair, dye it! Why not look in the mirror and look young? It will make you feel younger! (Thankfully as a blond, I don’t have any yet. But that doesn’t mean I don’t make my hair “blonder!”).
5. Travel as much as possible. Travel keeps you young. It keeps you learning, challenged and fascinated by the world.
6. Learn something new each year. Take a photography class, an art class or learn a new language. It will keep you challenged and growing.
7. Volunteer and give back. It is important to remember those in need. Helping others makes you feel warm inside and helps the soul.
8. If you have kids, play with them! Be a kid yourself again. It feels great to be silly.
9. Manage your stress. Stress wears you down, makes you feel awful. Try your best to not let the little things bug you.
10. Live, laugh and love! Life is short, enjoy it to the fullest extent possible.
We met Jackie, our 26-year-old tour guide to the Great Wall, at our hotel lobby on Sunday morning. Jackie was dressed in jeans, sneakers, a pink button down shirt and a pastel blue sweater vest. Needless to say, he was dressed well but not appropriate for an all day hike along the Great Wall.
Above is a picture of Jackie, smiling as we literally “climbed” up to the Wall.
Jackie (of course his “western” name; all Chinese pick western names when they start English in primary school) is a jovial, bright fellow who grew up in rural China, like the majority of the Chinese people, to farming, illiterate parents. He has witnessed firsthand the dramatic changes that China has experienced over the last twenty-five years, while China has emerged as a leading economic powerhouse fighting for the center stage in the world order.
Per Jackie, there used to be only three colors worn in China: Blue, Gray and Black. Now the Chinese wear any color under the rainbow.
Jackie is a chatty, intelligent guy. He had a lot to say about China – where it once was and where it is headed. He talked the entire hour and a half ride to Jiantou, the entire climb up to the Wall (in between breaks) and the entire way back to Beijing. I, of course, asked tons of questions and took tons of notes. I found our conversation fascinating and it was great to get an inside view from a young, educated Beijing tour guide who has over ten years of experience and is quite knowledgable about what is happening now in China.
This post is a summary of the “World (aka China) according to Jackie”. (Note: I haven’t confirmed all the figures and statistics. This kind of information is hard to get out of Communist, censored China. I have discovered that many things are a mystery in China and it is hard to get accurate, hard data. Thus, I am just going with what I heard from Jackie (whom I feel is an excellent, intelligent source of information) as well as some of the research I conducted myself (see below for links to the articles). So, here goes nothing: The World (aka China) according to Jackie!
Picture above of Confucius from the Wikipedia Commons. Confucius was one of the greatest Chinese thinkers of all time. His influence can still be felt today, thousands of years later.
Jackie had a lot of opinions on what China is like today, especially in Beijing, China’s political and historic capital. For the most part, Jackie feels gratitude for how far China has come over the last twenty-five years. China has literally taken most people, including the Chinese by surprise, in their unheard of industrialization and economic advances, which have brought millions and millions of people out of poverty. China has industrialized in a matter of years compared with the centuries it has taken most countries in a similar situation. When you visit China, the proof is in the endless amount of new buildings, apartment blocks and skyscrapers reaching for the stars. It is said that the crane is the national bird of China. The building crane is as well!
Yet, none of this rapid change has not been without problems and mistakes. As most people know, China is still ruled by a dictatorship of hardliners that slam their iron fist down on many basic freedoms of their people. While China is growing and expanding at insane rates, basic human rights and needs of its people are being left in the dust*. Hospitals are old and dingy. Doctors are scarce and expensive. Social services are lacking. Good education is hard to find in the countryside. Good jobs for educated graduates are becoming harder to find. Small and Medium sized factories are closing down at alarming rates. Housing is becoming increasingly unaffordable. Pollution is out of control. Traffic is maddening. Freedom of Speech is denied. Speaking out against the government comes at a heavy price with imprisonment, financial difficulties and abandonment. And the list goes on.
With all these paradoxes and complexities, I found my conversation with Jackie to be incredibly interesting. Here are some of the main points he raised:
Decrease in opportunities for new university graduates:
Last year, 6.6 million students graduated university in China. Yet, over one million of them can’t find a good job. Most are holding off and not accepting the lower-paid jobs in hopes that there will be a turnaround. Jackie believes that China is good a “making” things (i.e factory level) yet not “creating” them. I found this to be an interesting point and wonder what it will hold for the future.
Education:
Education is central to Chinese mentality. Look at Confucius (551-479 BC) whose ideals were paramount in Chinese thinking for over 2,500 years. Education became a priority in China yet was briefly and tragically interrupted during the Cultural Revolution (1966-1976) which pushed everyone out to the countryside and created an entire decade of uneducated peasants. Nowadays, all Chinese parents realize the importance of education and dream of giving their children a better life, out of poverty, through education. Rural and urban parents alike strive to provide the best education possible for their children so they can head out to the big cities to find a better life. If there are no good jobs to be had, this creates a big problem.
Pressure on the lower wage jobs: Made in China to stay?
Everyone knows that almost everything these days are “Made in China“. China’s enormous population has provided one of the greatest means to pull itself up out of poverty by its enormous labor force. However, rising costs have been difficult on these very factories that provide low-paying, low-skilled jobs. Many small to medium-sized factories are having a hard time competing and are forced to shut down, creating higher unemployment and unrest among many migrant workers. **
Economists have differing opinions on what the future will hold for China and whether or not these low-paying, low-skill jobs will migrate elsewhere where the labor costs aren’t as high and the supply costs are lower. Per the Financial Times article, “A workshop on the wane” (10/16/11):
“Slowing global demand for cheap Chinese exports, rising production costs and unsustainable levels of debt have combined to crush some of the country’s most savvy entrepreneurs. China’s economic success over the last 30 years has been built on cheap capital, cheap labour, cheap energy and cheap land but this has now produced huge imbalances and inefficiencies that are causing more and more problems.
But having drastically raised the living standards of almost a fifth of humanity, the formula is increasingly seen as defunct, and a contributor to serious problems including environmental degradation and rapidly rising social inequality. Time is running out for a model that has served it so well. ….but this does not mean that the end is nigh for the world’s second-biggest economy”.
China needs to adjust and adapt its market, what it is doing. Most economists predict a soft-landing for China, yet not without problems.
Housing :
As the economy has boomed and China has been seduced like others by an enormous gains in the real estate market, many argue that China is also facing a real estate bubble. Per GMO***, “Property construction accounts for some 13% of GDP in the world’s second largest economy. Construction has been one of the most important drivers of economic growth” (Jonathan Anderson, UBS, March 16, 2011). Although it is hard to get a true and accurate picture of the Chinese real estate market since the government tends to hide unpleasant statistics, it is said that “there’s little doubt, however, that many Chinese feel they have been priced out of the property market. A 100 square meter apartment in China currently costs around 17 times average disposable income, according to Deutsche Bank”. I assume this must be what Jackie was referring to when he told us that the cost of apartments in Beijing has quadrupled since 2006.
Daily Life in Beijing becoming harder, more congested:
Jackie told us that China purchases 20 million cars and trucks per year. There are currently about 20 million citizens and 10 million migrants living in Beijing. There are 5 million cars. Last year, there were 2,000 new cars added every day in Beijing. Thankfully the government decided to put stricter controls on the huge increases in traffic and pollution. Now if you want a new car, there is a lottery system. This year there are 600 new cars added per day in Beijing. Traffic is also controlled by the numbers on your license plate.
Marriage and Family:
The average age of marriage in urban China tends to be 30 years old for men and 27 for women. In the countryside, it is generally around 20 years of age. The year 1979 represented the start of China’s famous “One Child Policy” as a way to control China’s massive, growing population. Over the last few years, the policy has changed a bit. In the countryside, if the first-born is a boy then a family is done. If the first child is a girl, then the family can try one more time for a boy. In the city, a family can have two children now (if they pay) yet it is very expensive and most families today have only one child.
Social and Political Change:
This is a very tricky question. While most Chinese are thrilled to have food on their plates, a job and a much better life than their parents, there are still huge inequalities and disparities among the people. Like many other young people, Jackie shared the opinion that as long as people’s lives are improving that there will not be any major “Asian Spring” or push to oust the strong-armed Chinese rule.
As an American, I found this so hard to believe and tried my best to examine everything with my “thirdeye”. I found China to be a confusing, frustrating yet fascinating place. So much has changed. Yet so much more needs to change. I will be highly interested in seeing what the future holds for China and whether or not such a brutal government can remain in power. It all remains to be seen, doesn’t it?
For further reading, please refer to the articles below which I used in my research:
(Note: The Financial Times online requires a free password. Some require a paid password for the premium service. I get the paper at home and only occasionally read it online. If you want to access the free parts, it is definitely worth doing as these articles are excellent, and the FT is a fabulous paper to learn about what is going on in the world).
*”Cautious Beijing keen to avoid domestic unrest” – Financial Times 11/21/11 (click here for article)
As a child, I had always dreamed of Africa. It was a place of imagination. A place of wonder. A place full of wild animals and people who lived in huts. I place that a young, dreamer of a child like myself always wanted to explore. Africa to me conjured up images of elephants, giraffes, lions, and zebras roaming freely among nature at its purest; a place that I held fiercely in my young mind for many years to come.
One year after the birth of my first child, Max, my father and I had the chance to finally fulfill my childhood dream. We went to Africa. Physically getting to Africa was a piece of cake. All I had to do was board a plane. Mentally getting to Africa was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I had to overcome over three months of severe Postpartum Depression, and pull myself out of the darkness and up onto the road to recovery. To this day, that was the most difficult, life-changing experience I’ve ever had to survive and at the thick of it, survival didn’t seem possible.
It had all secretly started months before the birth of my son yet blindingly, I was unaware of the symptoms. Pregnancy was supposed to be a time of great joy and happiness. You are surrounded by attention from family, friends and strangers. You are often complimented on how “cute” you look and how “happy” you must be to be expecting. Yet, I didn’t always feel that way. I missed the old me, the active adventurer who loves to run, bike, golf, hike,ski and do anything outdoors. I found my changing body to be difficult. I suffered serious morning sickness for sixteen long weeks, crazy moodiness and hormones, and then had difficulty sleeping. By the second trimester, however things were finally perking up. I was feeling better, stopped eating saltines in the middle of the night, and was finally walking around the lake again and playing golf. My rollercoaster hormones subsided and I finally felt “happy” again and excited about the new bundle of joy growing inside of me.
I rolled along for the next few months until complications struck and I wound up in the hospital with pre-term labor at 34 weeks. Scared and sick, the anxiety of pregnancy crept in and I was confined to weeks of bedrest, isolation, boredom and fear. I was absolutely miserable. Being confined and all alone in my house for a month straight was not good on my body and soul, especially given my physically and socially active spirit. It was hell. But what came after the birth was even worse than I had ever imagined. A day or two after the birth of my son Max, something was not right. Instead of joy and happiness at the birth of my first child, I felt anxiety, fear and dread. These feelings combined with a huge drop in hormones and lack of sleep worked in a vicious circle perpetuating the problems and making me completely unable to eat or sleep or literally do anything. Completely and utterly taken off guard, postpartum depression had hit me like a brick. It was the most horrifying experience and state of being I’ve ever had in my life and unfortunately it took weeks to finally get the right kind of help and get my life back under control. It took a ton of support, love and care by my husband, my family (especially my mother and mother-in-law who spent weeks with me) and doctors, to pull me out of the darkness and debilitating anxiety and fear that I was in. At my worst point, I was sleeping only an hour a night, had lost all 35 pounds gained during my pregnancy in a month and couldn’t even hold my baby. I was beyond afraid and shrouded in darkness. I didn’t know how on earth I’d ever manage to survive let alone care for a brand new infant. About six weeks into it, I finally found the right professional help and slowly was able to pull myself up to the surface over time. Although each day was a struggle, I finally could see a light at the end of the tunnel and knew that I’d get through this horrible thing, I would survive. Everything would be ok. It wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t a failure. It was just something that had happened. I felt relieved in finally realizing that soon I’d be able to resume nurturing and loving my child.
Six months had passed and I was truly on the road to recovery. My son Max was finally sleeping through the night and no longer colicky (he used to cry for hours on end as a baby which fed into my anxiety, depression and sleeplessness). I was running again, sleeping again, and rediscovering myself. I was feeling good and so relieved to be myself again, not this miserable, crying, depressed new mother. I found a new support group of new moms, a babysitter and was able to get my life back to normal. It was around this time that the idea brewed about taking a special trip with my dad.
My father and I had done a lot of special trips together, one-on-one, throughout the years. We went to Ireland to visit my uncle, Peru to climb Machu Pichu, Australia to see the Great Barrier Reef and the French and Italian Alps to go skiing. I had thought that our traveling days would be numbered once I had a baby, however, I remembered a promise my mother had made me after I got married. Like her parents did for her, she promised to babysit my children one week a year as long as she was able. Thus, here I found myself a year after the birth of my first child, doing something that was completely unimaginable just a few months before: Boarding an 18-hour plane ride to South Africa.
I left right after my son turned one and took his first steps. Leaving him, after all that we had been through together was extremely difficult. I had nightmares for weeks before I left and had this insane fear that I wouldn’t come back. Going half way around the world didn’t feel right. How on earth could I leave my son? Conflict and anxiety arose once again, but thankfully my mother and husband were able to talk me through it. I knew deep down inside that getting away would be the best thing I could do even though it didn’t seem right to leave my son.
The day of my departure was very hard. I cried and cried as I loaded my bags into the cab and saw my tiny yet somehow bigger son blowing kisses at me through the window. But once I made it to the airport, met my dad in Atlanta and had a cold glass of white wine, I was fine. In fact, I was more than fine. I was me, that crazy, wanderlust, adventurous woman who couldn’t wait to fulfill a lifelong dream….a trip to South Africa!
Stay posted…..there will be more stories to come about my first adventure sans enfant to South Africa!
It’s been a long, exhausting, unrelenting week. Our harsh, brutal winter has continued to hang around, bringing bouts of cold wind, rain, and even a few miscellaneous snowflakes. The barren trees have yet to bloom. Yet there are signs of life’s rebirth and rejuvenation. The birds are back. I hear them singing their beautiful, glorious, celebratory songs outside my bedroom window every morning at dawn. The light of the sun, when it does break free out from the clouds, feels different than before. It is more alive and brighter and when it does appear, it warms my soul and brings life to the world. We are still in that strange, confusing phase where spring is playing tricks on us. One minute, it is there in all its glory, sun shining, birds singing and buds blooming before your very eyes. Then the next minute, it disappears, behind the gray, dark clouds and rain thirsty land.
As a stay at home mom of two extremely active and busy kids (aged 4 and 6), it is actually ironic that I have even noticed that it is almost Mother’s Day and the leaves have yet to bloom. Where on earth do I have the time to sit and ponder about the absence of spring and wonder when it will every arrive? Furthermore, how can I actually sit here and daydream about the great joys and revitalization that spring brings to us hearty Minnesotans each year. Easy! I’m a stay at home mom, meaning I am in my house or out and about each and every day of my life, facing the elements and watching nature change before my eyes. It would be impossible to miss. Yet for some funny reason I seemed to miss spring every season when I worked. I seemed to miss a lot of things that I took for granted when I worked.
As Mother’s Day approaches, of course everyone asks “What are you doing for Mother’s Day”? “Are you doing anything special”? “What do you want to get?”. For me I don’t want a trip to the spa (but of course that sounds phenomenal!), or a huge brunch at a fancy restaurant or some kind of beautifully wrapped present. At almost forty, it is easy to see that I have the greatest gift of all. The best thing possible. I have my kids. (Yes of course my husband counts too…without him, we wouldn’t have our close, tight-knit family of four).
Somehow we survived the brutal Minnesota winter with over 82 inches of snow….but we had fun!
There are days (sometimes many) when I am at my wits end, pulling my hair out, stepping outside the door and swearing beneath my breath. There are days when I can not take the crying, complaining, fighting, demanding behavior of my children. There are even days when I run upstairs and hide, lock myself in my closet and burst into enormous, sobbing tears. But every single one of those days pales in comparison to the last six and a half years of my life that I have spent loving, laughing, cherishing and spending time with my kids. Yes, giving up jobs and careers is a huge sacrifice for many families. Some families can afford it but choose not to. Other families dream that a parent could stay home with the kids, but simply can’t. There is no right or wrong. There should be no judgement either.
I am just utterly blessed for these special, precious moments that I’ve had with my children at home, watching them grow and learn about the world with excitement and hope. When asked what you wish your child could be or have when he or she grows up, my reply is simple: I want them to be happy, productive, self-sufficient, loving adults who care about others and contribute to the world. I don’t need a doctor or lawyer (yes of course it would be nice but I am not the one to decide or demand their future profession). I need a child who cares and can make a difference in the world or brighten the day of someone less fortunate than themselves.
All my travels have taught me that we live a crazy, insane life in the United States. Although there is plenty of poverty, violence and drugs abound, there is also enormous possibilities and potential. Unlike Nepal or India where people can barely make ends meet and live on less than $2 a day, most Americans are truly deeply spoiled. My dream is that my children can understand how fortunate they are and use this knowledge to make the world a better place, one step at a time. Perhaps I have too lofty of goals but that is what parenthood is about: Inspiring your children to dream big.
Once again, I found myself at the city’s beloved landmark of beauty: the Kasbah des Oudaias. A Kasbah is a fortified area that once housed the ruling family, its guards and everything needed for living under attack. Nowadays, Kasbahs are still a beautiful place to live, with its traditional whitewashed and brilliant blue blue painted buildings and stunning, winding alleyways with gorgeous, lush gardens and views of either the landscape or in Oudaias case, the magnificent blue sea.
With Khadija as our tour guide, we spent the afternoon exploring the lovely Kasbah and all its splendors, including the hidden Moroccan dating game. As mentioned in my earlier post (Islam 101), dating is forbidden in the Islamic world. Premarital sex and even kissing the opposite sex is a no-no. However, with the advent of modernity and the constant throng of romance seen on the Internet, TV and Western movies, a new kind of dating in Morocco has been created: Secret Dating.
When walking through the lush gardens of the Kasbah, I was shocked and stunned to see young lovers, somewhat hidden from view, in the process of making out. Per Khadija, this is the new secret dating game that can be found throughout urban Morocco.
Here are some examples:
The lush gardens offer the perfect place for hidden romance:
The gorgeous flowering trees offer perfect protection from the sun:
Per Khadija, this is what is going on. For Muslims, dating is strictly forbidden. If you are interested in getting to know someone from the opposite sex, then technically you need to meet them in a public place with a third person present, usually a member from the family such as a brother. Thus if you are in love with someone or even just like them a lot, generally in Morocco you skip the whole dating game and go directly to marriage (of course after asking the young woman’s father for her hand).
However, for some Moroccans, this is beginning to change, especially among the young generation (like the ones seen smooching in the photo above). Dating is done completely in secret, meaning the parents have no idea, yet it always takes place in a public place such as the Kasbah or another favorite, the beach.
Here is a photo of the beach dating scene. Note the hijabs and jellabas, not your typical beach wear in a western country:
Another interesting fact Khadija told me about dating: It is only done IF there is a future of marriage ahead. You do not date just to date. Instead, you start at the end game of a relationship. You start when a man tells you that he wants to marry you. Once it is determined that you will get married, then you can start going on your secret dates. During the secret dating process, you always go to public places and never go to a private location because to do so may dishonor the woman. Normally the secret dating game goes on for about six months until an engagement. Finally, it is never acceptable in Morocco for a woman to ask a man out. It simply does not happen.
Khadija herself has been involved with a man, who she has been secretly dating for two years now and will eventually get married. Her parents do not really know about him however her friends do. She is an educated, career-driven woman yet she remains traditional at the same time and respects her religion.
Khadija told us a very interesting fact. Apparently over the last four years that CCS has been open in Morocco and had volunteers, six volunteers have met and married Moroccan men! One even met her future husband in only two weeks and neither one could speak the same language. Amazingly enough, they are still married today (and hopefully they can at least communicate now). Thus, bottom line: Love can happen anywhere, even in Morocco!
(Note: Non-Muslims can intermarry. However, a non-Muslim must convert to Islam in order to marry a Muslim).
Here are some more lovely photos of the Kasbah as well as the beach in Rabat. Two romantic places for a public secret date!
