224883_434246943296552_1798921956_nHow many times do I have to try to tell you
That I’m sorry for the things I’ve done
But when I start to try to tell you
That’s when you have to tell me
Hey, this kind of trouble’s only just begun
I tell myself too many times
Why don’t you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That’s why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Tell me

I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you’re thinking
And I’ve heard it said too many times
That you’d be better off

Why can’t you see this boat is sinking
Let’s go down to the water’s edge
And we can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid

But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out turning inside out
Tell me
Tell me
This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I’ll never tread
These are the dreams I’ll dream instead
This is the joy that’s seldom spread
These are the tears

The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel?
‘Cause I don’t think you know how I feel
I don’t think you know what I feel
I don’t think you know what I feel
You don’t know what I feel

-Annie Lennox, lyrics “Why”


Residents and members of the media at a vigil in Kauhajoki, Finland, one day after the September 23, 2008 shooting incident. Photo credit: Wikipedia Commons.


I am utterly heartbroken today by the tragedy that bestowed upon Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut. What happened today is unimaginable. It is horrendous. Ugly. Cruel. And uncomprehensible.

As President Obama said holding back tears, there is “not a parent in America who doesn’t feel the overwhelming grief that I do.”

The fact that once again a young man opened fired on children in an elementary school is so sickening that I can hardly hold back my tears.

Can’t our children be safe anymore? Do they have to fear for their lives when they go to the one place they should be safe: School. The movies have already been ruined. The malls as well. Meanwhile schools continue to be hit by the unthinkable.

I don’t understand it.

Our world is becoming so insanely violent, and not only in America. Gratuitous violence is portrayed left and right in movies, on television and 24/7 on CNN. It is spread across the front pages of our newspapers on a daily basis and is found in children’s video games, books and toys. Our children are growing up in an everly increasing violent world, so violent that people are almost becoming immune to violence. It is disheartening and depressing.

You combine our violent world with the fact that in this county any kind of wacko can buy a semiautomatic gun off the internet without skipping a beat, makes my stomach lurch. Gun control is not the only answer but having some legislation in place to slow down the process would certainly help. Why on earth you can easily buy weapons meant to be used in warfare is sick. No one should be able to freely buy these kinds of killing machines.

I worry deeply about a growing problem of hatred and apathy among some young men. The last few mass shootings have all been performed by young, lost souls. The Connecticut school shooter was only 20 years old. The Oregon, shooter a mere 22 years old and described as “numb” before the attack.  The Colorado movie theater shooter who was only 25 and clearly a psychopath (how were the red flags in this case ignored?). The Virginia Tech shooter who took out dozens was a college student and then there is Colombine. Sadly, the list continues and never seems to stop. Why these young men kill innocent people and not just kill themselves makes absolutely no rational sense. To kill children, little ones, is even more sickening.

What bothers me immensely is that nothing seems to be getting done to change things and curtail the endless amounts of tragedies. Why aren’t we taking steps to tighten gun control? Why aren’t we putting more functioning systems in place to help deal with mental health issues? And why on earth do we live in a world that celebrates violence in almost everything we do? Why?

Of course I know these are complicated issues and aren’t easily solved. But we can certainly take some steps forward and stop ignoring the issues. It seems like each time a mass shooting happens, it creates a ripple effect on over to the “lunatics” out there who get an “ah ha” moment and copy it. Why not? In their sick heads where violence is glorified and gets plenty of attention (think CNN and Fox News, 24/7 coverage), it just feeds the frenzy.

My heart aches tonight for the parents who lost their young children. I walked into my children’s elementary school this afternoon to pick them up and had to hold back tears. My daughter, so sweet, so precious and innocent is in Kindergarten. Max is in second grade. Even the thought of something this atrocious happening in their school made my stomach ache and my eyes well up with tears. I don’t know how I could ever go on living.

Please say a prayer tonight for the 18 children and the adults who needlessly lost their lives. It is time we did something to end this world of violence. 

I’ll leave you with this one quote that I read and it broke my heart. All the kids wanted was to celebrate Christmas. They didn’t want to die.

First grade teacher Kaitlin Roig, 29, locked her 14 students in a class bathroom and listened to “tons of shooting” until police came to help.

“It was horrific,” Roig said. “I thought we were going to die.”

She said that the terrified kids were saying, “I just want Christmas…I don’t want to die. I just want to have Christmas.”


  1. So powerful – thank you. I’m in Australia and it amazes me how freely Americans have access to guns, and I also wonder why these lost young men weren’t picked up before these tragedies. Why have they got access to guns yet didn’t get treatment for their own issues which caused them to carry out these massacres? And I think the 24 hour news cycle perpetuates the problem – others want to get the notoriery that these murderers have.
    Thinking of America today amd hoping for change.

    1. Thank you Carly. I had to write the post. Writing is the only way I can get the pain out of me. I still feel so sad about this senseless violence and don’t see an end to it.

  2. The trickle-down effect of the news often takes a while to reach me. This story has shocked me, as it follows one I read this morning about a different shooting. What must the world be thinking about our country?
    I cannot imagine what it must be like to be seeing instant replays of these horrible stories. I understand your grief and join you and all others in sadness.
    I am so sorry this has happened.

    1. I agree. It also seems to be spreading around the world as remember Norway and England. Then China yesterday had a crazy man stab children. We are exporting our violence in movies, games, etc. It is sickening and I don’t think it will end. We really need to address mental health issues too. So terribly sad. I feel sick about it.

      1. i still don’t understand how people can publish such horrid movies AND PEOPLE BUY THEM//WATCH THEM!

        it all goes back to morals, and i fear that our advanced cosmopolitan life has pulled many away from basic codes of moral honor. music lyrics, violent movies, live coverage from the latest conflict.. there’s just so much out there, and of course the ease of internet to connect us with whatever we want.

        we have to throw on the brakes and reclaim that mayberry rfd culture.


      2. So true. There are a lot of people who are just plain lost today, especially this young generation who have grown up with it all and are just lost. They are numbed by the violence and see it as the only answer. I don’t know how we solve such complex problems. Gun laws and regulations would help but they can still get the guns like drugs, if they want to. It is a much deeper societal problem, perhaps we’ve had for centuries given the wars, genocide, etc that we’ve faced.

  3. I’m not sure there is an answer, but I do think that the sickening violence on TV, movies and video games has numbed the mind of a lot of sick people who have lost the ability to distinguish between reality and make believe.
    I join this nation in prayer tonight for the strength of those in Newtown to get through this.

    1. Yes. It is really troubling. We need more mental health care in this country too. I just don’t understand it all. So incredibly tragic. I feel like my heart is still bleeding over it.

  4. Lovely post but I think it is the very day to do something about gun control. It took the Port Arthur massacre in Australia for something decisive to be done. At least it was something positive out of something horrific. Who knows how many lives have been saved since then as a result of this?

      1. We have the same problems with the debate over gun control here in the UK too. Thankfully, it’s not as easy to get hold of firearms here (yet), but people who use guns for sport in the country don’t see the pain and tragedy that they cause in our cities. I grew up in the countryside, where I was regularly taken to shoots. I never did like the guns, though, I always thought there was something evil about them, something beyond our control as humans. It’s hard to convince those who have never seen the bad side of guns what damage they can do. The people of America have a hard fight ahead of them, but it’s important that you keep the debate going.

  5. Yes. The national discussion must move off trivialities and onto the epidemic of insane violence in this country, the bullying, the suicides that result from it, and the regular mass shootings. We are under siege and this must be our national focus.

    1. I agree wholeheartedly. It makes me sick. The NRA is completely nuts. I don’t see a good future unless things considerably change. It is depressing, isn’t it. What bothers me so much is this young generation of apathetic people. They expect so much and are immune to violence. It is really frightening.

      1. After a similar tragedy in Australia in 1996 (35 people shot at Port Arthur by a young man using high-powered weapons found at home) we tightened gun laws considerably. There was a gun amnesty for handing in illegal or unwanted weapons, compulsory registration of guns and gun owners and total bans on semi-automatics. Gun deaths have fallen by 50% and are now one tenth of the US rate. There have been no massacres since.

        We can’t say ‘problem solved’, but it is progress.

        And despite this and other tragedies, statistically the US is becoming less, not more violent. Crimes of violence and gun ownership are falling. If anything good is to come out of his sorry business, it has to be a speeding up of this process.

        Meanwhile, people around the world are thinking of Connecticut families.

      2. Thanks for your comment Richard. Another Australian blogger mentioned the Port Arthur situation as I hadn’t heard about it. I agree, we are nuts here about our guns. Unfortunately the NRA has so much power and are so crazy that I don’t know how the laws and regulations will be fixed. I agree that changing them would help but like drugs, if crazies want them they can find them. I worry about the much deeper societal issues that are happening not just here but worldwide. THe generations growing up with such insane violence in the media. My husband promptly pointed out that yes there has always been violence given genocide, wars, the Holocaust, etc. But now it is a new kind of violence by lost young souls. I don’t know what the answer is. It is really frightening.

  6. We may be on the other side of an ocean from you guys, but rest assured that since the news hit the headlines here in the UK we are sharing your grief with you. You’re facing yet another unimaginable tragedy in the USA, but I know from my experience there that, even though you are a big country, you are also an incredibly tight community and you will all support each other through these tough times.

    1. Thanks. It just scares me how incredibly violent our country is getting. These incidents continue to happen frequently and there seems to be this huge mass of young people who are so apathetic. I feel like they want it all in life and don’t understand how much we have. They are empty and lost. It scares me tremendously. Then we continue to export our madness of violence through video games, movies, books, etc. Scary world.

  7. My heart breaks when I see the footage. The people of America need to stand together in order for change to occur. How many more innocent lives need to be taken away before gun laws are changed? My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and their families.

    1. I agree. It disheartens me though as there is so much that needs to change. Our culture of violence and this generation of young people growing up apathetic and immune to it all. The guns and the lack of regulation. The NRA. Ahhh…the list goes on. It is so troubling.

  8. I found you blog post via the #PAPS (pimp a post Sunday) where it was nominated as blog post of the week by a UK blogger. I’ve been in tears since this awful tragedy and I sincerely hope that the gun laws in the US are looked at. How many more tragedies do we have to witness?

    My thoughts and prayers go out to all the families suffering at this time xxx

    1. Thanks for your comment. I still feel so sick about it all. I agree that the guns laws need to change but I believe that will be difficult given the crazy rightwing NRA. I also believe that there are many other complicated issues such as the intense level of violence in our lives. It is everywhere and to the point where I believe it is impacting young minds. It is terrible indeed. My husband reminded me that throughout history there has been so much tragedy and unthinkable things like the Holocaust. So maybe it isn’t getting worse per se but just different in terms of the violence. I don’t know. But yes, we as a country and the world really need to look at guns, violence and mental illness. Thanks for your comments.

      1. Oh NO! Our school just went through that and one part of the school was closed for 2 days so it could be disinfected and hope to stop the stread. I had a little girl come to me and say I feel like I am going to…. and almost threw up on my lap (as I was sitting). Lucily I have been around long enough to catch the signs. We didn’t make it far enough… but at least it wasn’t on me or the carpet! Thinking about it now kinda makes me laugh… all the kids wanted to run over and see… it was like a bad Saturday Night Live Skit! I hope he feels better soon.

  9. Beautifully written Nicole. Such a senseless tragedy and so much to be done to turn this type of behavior around. I cannot see it changing until we make everyone feel they are loved and part of our society. There are so many troubled people in the world today slipping through the cracks.

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