“Faith means living with uncertainty – feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark”. -Dan Millman
The last two weeks have been some of the toughest I’ve seen. At times I think I forgot how to breathe and felt like I was being torn apart inside. On the outside, I hid it well and remained strong. I kept running, writing and moving forward despite the fact I was being torn apart inside by worry, uncertainty and fear.
I am a fighter. I’ve always been. I learned early in life through hard times to never ever give up and never lose sight of the hope. I’m not a religious person but I am spiritual and I do have faith. I said my prayers to that great being and held onto the only thing I thought would give me strength. My prayer beads that I got blessed from a 95-year-old monk living in the Himalayas of Nepal.
I had carried those beads with me throughout my journey hiking in the mountains of Nepal holding them tight and believing they would get me safely home. I did, and the beads laid wrapped around the framed pictures of my two beloved children as my way of protecting them. I knew it was silly but no one knew about why they were there except me.
Before I left home last week, I gently placed the beads inside my purse and brought them along. I was heading on another journey; a journey into the unknown. For some inexplicable reason, the beads were the only thing that seemed to give me strength. During times in which the weight of the world seemed to hard to bare, I grabbed the beads and placed them inside my pocket. It was my little secret way of trying to give me the mental power to overcome whatever obstacle I would face.
Yesterday, after two months of worry, dread, anxiety and hope, we finally got an answer to what has cast an ugly, dark shadow over our lives. Everything was going to be ok. I took the beads out of my pocket and finally placed them back where they belong. I hope I won’t need them again for a long, long time.
“Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe”. – Voltaire